


some shit I just don't need in life, but I need you

by heartfounded



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: It just happened, M/M, Post 3x16, but he totally did, i didnt plan for the angry makeout okay, im not saying christopher set them up, in which maddie meddles after red
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24016126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartfounded/pseuds/heartfounded
Summary: “Fine.” Eddie says, voice a twist of sourness and anger. “I think you’re too loyal. We all do. Abby left you. Maybe I wasn’t around when things were good with you two, so maybe I don’t have a leg to stand on about this, but what she did to you? How can you think you owe her anything? She left without saying anything to you. You said you were her fucking ghost, Evan.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 290





	some shit I just don't need in life, but I need you

**Author's Note:**

> written before 3x17

Evan glances down at his phone for the eighteenth time in the span of three minutes, maybe -more likely- two, desperate for any distraction. Desperate for anything that lets him escape Eddie’s concerned gaze for just a second. Only the giggling, oblivious to the mental standoff going on, nine-year-old sitting between them keeps either from commenting on it. Preventing Eddie from turning those big brown eyes and asking after him. Preventing Evan from reassuring Eddie that’s he just fine. thanks very much.

Something on the screen makes Christopher laugh and he lets the flurry of colors and loud voices pull his attention from his unanswered texts to Maddie. At least with his eyes now firmly on the movie, some animated atrocity of signing and rainbows that Christopher is eating up, he can ignore Eddie.

(The movie’s making Evan’s nauseous, but that, perhaps, has more to do with his swirling thoughts.)

Except he can’t. Not really. Because while he may not see Eddie, he can _feel_ Eddie’s stare just the same.

And then, of course, in no time at all Christopher’s asleep before the credits are rolling. And there’s nothing preventing either of them from speaking.

Evan wants to burrow into his own skin or so deep into the couch that there’s an ocean of space between himself and Eddie. But that’s impossible and there’s no where to go with Christopher’s legs on Evan’s lap, his head on Eddie’s; somehow comfortable despite looking so squished.

Christopher has effectively trapped him. Thanks kid, he thinks bitterly before feeling guilty for it.

Abby’s got him so twisted up, so angry and confused and lost and _everything_ he’s pushed aside for the last two years that he’s annoyed with everyone and everything – including Christopher. Fucking hell. Four texts between them and Evan’s already losing it.

And because Eddie is Eddie, because Eddie knows Evan too well to believe whatever veneer Evan’s painted on his face or whatever excuse he’ll conjure up to wipe away his feelings, he continues to stare. Eddie knows Evan, knows how to look through whatever face he’s putting on to the show the world. There’s no fooling him. There’s no lie or excuse that would sound convincing.

It could be just seconds. Or an hour. It doesn’t matter as there’s no escaping Eddie’s heavy gaze. Evan lets his head fall back against the couch, audibly exhaling.

“Abby’s back.”

Just like that the words are out in the open, a tangible thing hanging in the air that he can no longer hide from.

“When?” Eddie asks.

Evan shrugs his shoulders. “Didn’t say.”

“Buck.” He doesn’t need to look at Eddie to know his face pulled into something like disappointment, he can feel the frown just fine.

He shakes his head. “I’m not lying. She texted from a new number saying who it was. Waited till I texted back before asking if I’d meet up with her. All she said she’d be back in a few weeks. I told her I would, that we’d sort the details later.”

“ _Evan_.”

He groaned. “What?”

“You’re going to meet up with her? Seriously? After she left without a single fucking word.”

Evan dares a glance towards Eddie. There’s an expression clouding Eddie’s eyes that he doesn’t recognize. He knows how Eddie’s lips pull tight when he’s annoyed, the slight dip in eyebrows when he’s concerned, how his eyes darken when he’s angrier than he lets on, but this expression is like none Evan’s accustomed to or familiar with.

“Didn’t you meet back up with Shannon and she left with a note?” Eddie’s chin pulls back, hurt flashing in his eyes, and Evan’s instantly regretting it; wishing he could reel back his words. Reel back this whole night, if he’s being honest. He shouldn’t have answered Eddie’s call earlier. Already two beers in at his apartment, he was content with spending the night alone, but then he picked up the phone and Christopher was inviting him to movie night. Evan couldn’t say no to him. He wishes he had now, if only to have stopped this.

He doesn’t miss Eddie’s small, because Christopher is still knocked out between them, shift away from him.

“Shit, Eddie. T-That’s not what I meant.” He sighs, turning his gaze back to the ceiling. “That was a low blow. Uncalled for.”

“Yeah,” The tightness in Eddie’s voice is one he recognizes. ‘You’re exhausting,’ rings in his ears. “And not at all the same situation.”

Evan nods weakly. He isn’t wrong. Shannon’s fucking _dead_ and that shouldn’t change things, but somehow it does.

Christopher shifts between them for a second, both of them tensing to see if he’ll wake. He doesn’t, his mouth twitching in a way Evan’s come to associate with kids. With Christopher.

“Why did you agree to it?” The tension is gone, replaced with worry and something else. Like Eddie’s earlier expression, Evan can’t place it. He’s starting to hate how undecipherable Eddie’s becoming to him. Unease pools in his stomach. Right beside the guilt already present – for thinking bitterly, no matter how brief, about Chris, for bringing up Shannon.

He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s the right thing to do? Because I owe it to her?” He doesn’t mean to sound unsure, but his explanation sounds more like a question than anything else.

Eddie mutters in Spanish, voice so low that Evan only hears enough to recognize the language. “Dios mio, you’re too fucking loyal for your own good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He turns his head towards Eddie, who looks like he’s trying to reign in the anger playing across his face.

Eddie is silent.

“Edmundo.” Now it’s his turn to pull out the first names when Eddie doesn’t answer. Eddie’s distracting them both by carding through Christopher’s curls with his fingers. Stalling, Evan realizes. “Whatever’s bothering you, just say it.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He nods.

“Fine.” Eddie says, voice a twist of sourness and anger. “I think you’re too loyal. _We_ all do. Abby _left_ you. Maybe I wasn’t around when things were good with you two, so maybe I don’t have a leg to stand on about this, but what she did to you? How can you think you owe her anything? She left without saying anything to you. You said you were her fucking _ghost_ , Evan. How is any of this okay with you? And… And,” His words have come out in a mad rush, but now he’s losing steam. “And she’s old enough to be your mother. Don’t you get there’s a reason she didn’t date someone her own age?”

We, we, _we_. So, caught up in the implication of Eddie’s words, he’s pushing open the front door before he’s aware he even stood up, let alone set Christopher down gently enough that the kid didn’t wake.

Eddie isn’t wrong. Of everything said, it’s not what stings the most. The knowledge that he’s been discussed, critiqued, and found lacking without any acknowledgement, not even from Eddie, that anything went on _does_. Because what’s said by Eddie isn’t new. Evan’s thought the same, if not more. If not _worse_.

Two years is plenty of time to dissect and analyze every moment, every call, every text, every second with Abby. Abby might have helped him grow up, but as a _spark_. Bobby, Hen, Chimney, Athena. Even Eddie and Christopher, maybe especially because of the Diaz boys. Without them, he’d still be Buck 1.0.

He might not regret it, but he wouldn’t go back. He wouldn’t redo it.

Something – someone – pulls his wrist, Evan’s anger fogged brain taking a second to process that it’s Eddie. Eddie’s moving him, pressing him against the door. The weight against him is heavy yet comfortable, the fingers on his wrist burning yet familiar. And then Eddie’s kissing him, hard. Bruised lips, hard.

Evan’s kissing him back just as fervently. But then the doorknob pressing against his side is turning painful and if he doesn’t breathe in the next second, he will pass out. Pushing Eddie away is difficult, his first tiny shove is harmless. Eddie only presses further into him and well, Evan’s kissing him deeper, licking into his mouth. Clearly, his heart and brain (and his dick, really, because he’s jeans are becoming more uncomfortable by the second) are not on the same page.

Planting his hands more firmly against Eddie’s chest – Evan knows Eddie is solid muscle, but feeling it under his hands, against his chest, is another story – he pushes once more. Eyes flaring, Eddie gets the idea, shift just far enough so that Evan can suck in air.

He rubs his lips, his jaw. Evan’s kissed guys before, but none with the stubble Eddie’s currently sporting. It’s not a bad feeling. Just new.

And then, because he’s a little kiss drunk, a little deprived of oxygen, and a mess of emotions, his mouth is moving before his brain processes anything. “Eddie, what the fuck?”

At that, Eddie takes a small step back. Still close, but far enough that Evan can shift away from the doorknob without bumping him. Without touching him.

“That was impulsive. Shit. _Shit_.” Eddie breathes. “I’m sorry, Evan.”

Evan lets his head fall against the door with a small thump. Impulsive, maybe, but not entirely unwanted. Not unwanted at all. The lead up, though, the conversation, the anger. That makes him wary. He breathes in through his nose, out through his mouth till his heartbeat steadies.

“You said _we_. Who did – _does_ \- that include?”

Eddie looks sheepish. “Everyone. And Maddie.”

He bumps his head again. “How’d Maddie even know? I haven’t even told _her_ yet.”

“She talked about it after everything with Red, that it had you thinking about Abby. Maddie wanted us to keep an eye on you.”

“And none of you thought to mention this to me?”

Eddie sighs. “You’ve met your sister, right? She’s scary when she wants to be.”

Evan shakes his head. “Eddie.”

“I know. I _know_. She didn’t want us to spook you, but I should’ve at least said something. Even if it was just a heads up. And I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said any of that. About the loyalty thing and the crack about her age.”

Somehow, they’re close again, chests touching. Evan isn’t sure who had moved or if they both did. He drops his forehead against Eddie’s.

His eyes close as he speaks. Something about Eddie being right there spooked him a little, knowing that if he opened his eyes, Eddie’s would be right there, but he didn’t want to pull away either. Closing his eyes was a compromise. “I think I needed to hear it. Look, I- I…what you said, it wasn’t anything I haven’t thought before. Honestly, I’ve thought plenty of worse things sometimes. But I don’t think I’ve really acknowledged it, you know? I think that’s why I want, why I need to go. I need to say a version of it to her. I need her to _know_. Face to face. No miles. No screens. That maybe I took some good things away from that relationship, but how it ended, _especially_ how it ended, wasn’t kind.”

The words are barely out of his mouth before Eddie’s kissing him again. Slower this time, gentler but just as heated. Then he’s kissing at the corner of his mouth, moving across his jaw, down his neck, at last settling to suck a bruise at the start of his shoulder. Evan’s moan turns into a laugh because this – this isn’t how he imagined any of this night going.

And because Eddie’s sucking a hickey into his neck that he won’t be able to hide tomorrow and because –

“Christopher!”

“Asleep on the couch.” Eddie mumbles into his neck, fingers splaying on his skin just above his belt.

“That kid will sleep through just about anything.” He says, breathlessly realizing that Eddie is all hands in this. All muscle, too.

Evan nudges Eddie’s chin up with his hands, holding him still for a second.

“Your loyalty isn’t a bad thing, Ev.” Eddie whispers. Evan wants to shrink into his skin for an entirely different reason. At the love in Eddie’s brown eyes. “This is all…”

“Weird. New. _Exciting_.” Evan finishes for him. He gives Eddie quick peck, not trusting himself with anything more. “Listen, there is a lot more I’d like to _explore_ , but uh maybe in your house? Your room? After we get Christopher tucked in, of course.” The cocky grin is entirely for Eddie’s benefit.

“Quickly, of course.” Eddie adds.

Eddie practically crowds him into the door as he turns, reaching for the doorknob. It doesn’t budge.

“Uh, Eds? I think it’s locked.” Eddie drops his forehead against his shoulder with a groan.

“I have spare in my car…which is also locked.”

Evan turns back around. “Lucky for you, I have both spares in my car. And my car keys too.”

Eddie’s grin at his answer is a wicked one. “I thought you had _something_ in your pocket.”

**Author's Note:**

> you know when you're writing a fic and it goes in a completely different direction? yeah, that was this. i did not plan on the angry make out, but i love it anyway. (even eddie's shameless dick joke)
> 
> prompt me at 911firefam on tumblr!


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